RAISING BABIES VS. RAISING CHILDREN

The thing about parenting is that everything changes, all the time. It keeps you on your toes because just as soon as you've gotten used to things being a certain way and think you have it all figured out, a new challenge arises and you're back to square one. The beauty of it is that it forces you to constantly evolve to be more creative, more patient, more resourceful.

With two kids of significantly different ages, I've come to appreciate that raising babies and raising children are two very distinct challenges, neither easier than the other, just different. The way I see it, it can be summed up as follows: raising babies is hard, but simple. Raising children is easy, but complicated.

This article has been circulating among my friends, and illustrates what I mean about babies being hard but simple. Dealing with sleep deprivation, constant monitoring, endless feeding, and total dependence are by no means small feats; they have a way of gradually eroding your general wellbeing and sanity in a way that can make you a stranger to yourself. But by the same token, the job is not overly complex. You are dealing with someone's basic needs, the purely physiological requirements of being fed, cleaned and sheltered.

By the time they reach school age, children can pretty much fend for themselves in that regard. You no longer have to worry about them accidentally killing themselves with everyday household objects, or wonder whether you've dressed them in enough layers, or deal with hours of unexplainable crying (hopefully). You'll be able to sleep through the night and wake up at a civilised hour. You'll be able to reason with them. You can engage in detailed conversations with them about current affairs or whether Masterchef is rigged.

But although things may be a lot easier in terms of the daily grind of domestic routine, it starts getting really complicated in terms of the emotional and psychological challenges they present. What do you do when your 8 year old is looking you in the eye and lying to you? How do you explain why their best friend has started ignoring them overnight, or what to do if they're being bullied, or why they have to do their homework even if it's completely irrelevant? How do you reconcile the values you're trying to instil with the sometimes questionable behaviour of those around them, including yourself?

I'm not sure whether I find raising babies or raising children more challenging. I recently mused to my partner that after a day with our toddler, I find myself reaching for a bottle of wine, while after a day with the 8 year old, I find myself reaching for a therapist. I can't imagine what raising a teenager will be like; presumably, it will involve a lot of drunk therapy sessions. But hopefully I'll still have it in me to keep evolving.