Things have been a bit chaotic around these parts lately. Little things going wrong day to day for no reason. Bigger things going wrong personally and in my close sphere, disastrous freakish things within days or even hours of each other. Mental states so foreign from those held previously have been creeping in, so insidiously and irrationally. Where a sense of calm had descended upon me about my upcoming birth and the baby, fear has now taken its place, and has compounded in ways that I haven't experienced with such intensity over the past eight months. I find the darkest thoughts about stillbirth and illness coming forth from the recesses of my mind against my will, against all rationality. I feel a simultaneous need to release all this emotional turmoil, and an inability to get any words out. While there have been many topics - mostly positive insights - stewing in my mind that I've been eager to share here, when it comes to writing, lately I have found myself unable to get anything out. It's as though I have been unknowingly jerked into some negative space and remain stuck there, despite my best efforts.
Funnily enough, at the height of all this strangeness, I came across a post about Mercury in retrograde (you can read it here). Basically, Mercury is the planet that controls thought and communication, and it is totally fucking that up at the moment. I don't know how much I even believe in astrology, but I thought it was still interesting even if you read about it from a place of skepticism.
I like the point made in the post about questioning what happens when bad shit happens when Mercury isn't in retrograde, when there are no planetary alignments or external factors to blame. Maybe these periods come and go for no discernible reason. Or maybe things will turn around after August 8. Either way, I guess at times like these it's best to bunker down and wait for the storm to pass.
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